Thank you Hearts

It was the summer break. Our coach at the time, Paulo Sergio, had a high opinion of me. He gave me my professional debut and was the coach who won the Scottish Cup with Hearts.  The upcoming season 2012/13 was looking promising for me, especially because the previous season I got a couple games for the 1^st team where I proved my abilities. I still can remember the last day of training before the summer break started. Paulo Sergio approached me and said: “Denis, this season I gave you your debut and a couple of games and I’m impressed with you. I made you a professional football player. But next season I’ll give you more and more games so you’ll become a 1^st team regular. “I was buzzing for the new season to start.

The summer break was already in the 3^rd week, when I found out on the internet that Paulo Sergio didn’t extend his contract and left Hearts. A week later it was confirmed that John McGlynn will be the new Head Coach. That was bad news for me because 1^st of all Paulo trusted me and promised me a big season and 2^nd of all my relationship with John McGlynn was tensed. Like I mentioned before : In the previous season I got young player of the year but didn’t got a lot of chances for the 1^st team yet, so I was loaned out to a 1^st Division team for 3 months. So I could get some games and get used to 1^st team football. And the coach of that team was John McGlynn. I played the 1^st game and felt big pain in my groin area. I went to the physio but he told me that it’s nothing serious and I am okay to play the next games. After a couple of games the pain got unbearable and I had to go to Edinburgh to see the physios of Hearts. It turned out that I had a hernia on both sides of my groins and had to get an operation in Manchester. Of course I told John about it and he got really angry at me because I didn’t tell him about the pain before I signed the loan contract. But I wasn’t less surprised from the appearance of the pain during the games. I had never felt that pain before I signed the contract. So only after 4 weeks I broke my contract with that team. I returned to Hearts and was operated the following week in Manchester. That was the story of why my relationship with John McGlynn was tensed. So when I found out that he will be my Coach again (this time at Hearts) I knew immediately that the season for me is already over, before it even started.

My fears became reality, the season 2012/13 was bad for me; I didn’t play much and had stress with the Coach. In this less pleasant time for me I had a couple of interviews; journalists and reporters asked me about the season and my opinion of the coach McGlynn, but I would say only positive things about him , at no point I mentioned his name in a negative context .

In time of an argument/fight, argue/fight correct. And never mention names in a negative context.

Off the field there were also some problems noticeable. Our captain (Marius Zaliukas) and one of my best friends at Hearts had a very good relationship with our presidents Vladimir Romanov and after each phone conversation with the President Marius said to me: „Denis, there will be big problems at Hearts soon.“ I didn’t give much attention to it, as I didn’t believe it. Hearts was a solid and big club. Marius warnings were piling up, but all I was thinking was that he was overreacting. Our salary came punctually at the 15^th of each month, without the slightest delays. The first delay was in November 2012. Marius called me right away and said: „I told you Denis, that’s the beginning of the end.“ A few days later we received our salary; I calmed down and thought that there were probably some small problems at the bank transfer. But on the 15^th of the following month I checked my bank account and again there was no salary paid.

There were players in the team with families and mortgages to pay, so they get even more worried.  Some players wrote a complaint letter to the PFA, which basically all 1^st team players have signed; but I did NOT. Of course I could understand the players as they were worried and cared about their families. But Hearts and Mr. Romanov have done a lot for me; thanks to them I had fulfilled some of my dreams. If I had signed that letter, I would have felt like a traitor. That’s one of the worst feelings ever for me and I couldn’t live with that.

“To me, the thing that is worse than death is betrayal. You see, I could conceive death, but I could not conceive betrayal.” (Malcom X)

Because of the letter Hearts had to pay a fine. Of course this was another blow for the club. The salary was paid with 3 weeks delay. So the next salary was due in 1 week. If Hearts wouldn’t pay on time, the club would have to pay another “bigger” fine. So there was more and more pressure on the club. A few days later the management called for a meeting in the dressing room and all players and stuff were present. The financial director walked in and many players started to shout at him and asked for explanations for this bad situation. My team members were really angry, which is normal, but I felt sorry for the financial director. He explained that there is nothing HE could do about it and that it’s not his fault. Each player was handed a document which declared that the players would agree if the salary would be paid out with a delay of maximum 2 months. The management asked us to sign this document as it would be impossible to pay us all within the next week. Some players threw this document straight to the bin and said that they can’t afford another delay. I was stunned. I loved my club and I had understanding for it that things are hard sometimes and each club could have problems at times. So I was one of the few who returned a signed document. My salary got paid with a delay of six weeks.

The club really made an effort and worked really hard to get some money in. They started to sell season tickets for the next season very early, club events were organized to raise money and our own fans started to help the club more and more. But at some point it was simply just too much and the club was unable to continue. Hearts FC and their fans fought really hard, but in May 2013 the club management came to our dressing room and announced that the club went into insolvency. Everybody was shocked and I heard questions like:” What about our salaries for the coming months? Will it still be paid?” But everything I was thinking about in that moment was my future. It felt like someone punched me in the face. I was still very young and couldn’t imagine any other club, team or city for me. I was devastated and didn’t know what to do next. Hearts made me a professional football player and I dreamed to become a legend at Hearts and play on international level with them. But this dream was over. The management told us not to worry as an insolvency company will take over and pay us the remaining salaries. The season went on for a couple more weeks and many players were about to leave and some players were offered contracts with lower wages. My contract was not extended and I booked myself a ticket home to Berlin. For the 1^st time it was an “one-way ticket”

Everything has a purpose, even this, and it’s up to you to find it.

4 fantastic and wonderful years at Heart of Midlothian came to an end. Well, the last year wasn’t so great. However I owe a lot to Hearts and can only say positive things about this great club, it’s fantastic fans and the city Edinburgh. I will never forget my time at Hearts, Edinburgh, the Scottish people and i am still coming regularly for a visit. So far I can say that it was the best years of my life. I had so many new experiences, feelings and friends that I will keep forever in my memory. I confess my love for Hearts, Scotland, Edinburgh and their culture. I have fallen many times in my life, but I got up again with hard work and dedication. But this time it was different. It felt like a knockout punch. I really didn’t know how to go on. Will I find a new club? How to find a new club? But I knew one thing: It’s going to be the “hardest” summer break so far. I will be starting from the bottom again; but I have been there before so I knew what to do.

“Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows. It’s a very mean and nasty place and I don’t care how tough you are it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain’t about how hard ya hit. It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done!”

― Sylvester Stallone, Rocky Balboa